Instead of the baby shower on a budget post that I had
promised I have decided to write about something a little bit different. If you were looking forward the post, don’t
fret. It will be coming soon!
I had a meeting out of town this morning that gave me 2
hours to sit in the car and think. By
thinking what I really mean is I was listening to Oprah-Radio. It’s one of my guilty pleasures! Anyways…
a show was being replayed from the early 2000’s and it was about how
Moms are continually feeling drained (emotionally, physically and mentally),
but refuse to admit it based on the idea that they would be admitting that they
are less than perfect at being a wife, mother, employee, housekeeper, and etc.
A woman was telling her story and explained how she
continually feels overwhelmed and no matter how hard she tries there just
aren’t enough hours in the day to get it all done. She discussed her inner struggles with depression
and how she would try to put on a “mask” so the rest of the world would think
that she was the perfect wife and mom. Internally
she was struggling to keep it together on a daily basis and always felt guilty
that she wasn’t able to devote the amount of time she wants to spend with her children. Between the housework, her job, coping with
financial struggles, and having 4 children under the age of 8 she just couldn’t
handle it. She went on to explain that
her consistent struggles with getting everything done causes her so much stress
that sometimes all she can do is breaks down and cry.
A therapist was also on the show and explained that the
feelings that the aforementioned woman is having are becoming more and more
common and it is due to what she was referring to as an error in our “inner
operating system”. We as a society are
so interconnected with technology, work-emails, texting, and social media that
we are never disconnected long enough to be present in our own lives. In essence, our “outer operating system” is
not compatible with our “inner operating system”. In today’s society women are trying to raise
children and keep a home on the same ideals that our grandparents (June
Cleaver!), but also have a career and stability like our parents instilled in
us. Bottom line is to do both perfectly
is nearly impossible. She explained that
it is all about balance. Sometimes
family time needs to take precedence over the pile of dirty laundry. No one will notice if you have crumbs on your
kitchen floor or an unwashed dish in the sink.
Her overall message is to let-go of things that are pulling all of the
excess energy from you so you can have the energy to be happy. The happier a person is, the more energy the
body naturally stores. It’s a cycle that
can only begin by making a change!
Of course this is all easier said than done so she
challenged everyone to make a list of the things in their lives that are
pulling energy away and prioritize them.
What pulls the most energy (what stresses you the most?)? Look at the list and figure out how to
eliminate some of them. After a month,
reevaluate things. The list should be
smaller and you should feel a lot better.
I can absolutely relate to the desperation that the woman on
the show was feeling. I also try to do
it all: work, baby, clean the house, cook, finish grad school, maintain
friendships, talk to family, and spend time with my husband. There truly isn’t enough time in the day to
get it all done. I have decided to go
forth with the suggestion and make a list of the things that pull energy from
me.
At first I was thinking that I should spend some real time
to think about what belongs on that list, but knowing me I will get caught up
in something during the evening hours and I will never get to it. So here goes nothing – These are the big
energy suckers in my life:
1.
Grad School: My thesis has been haunting me for the past
couple of years. I think about it on a
daily basis but never seem to devote any time to finishing it. I just think about it and it stresses me
out. Well, the only way to get rid of
the stress is to FINISH! Over the next
30 days, I will be devoting time to finishing my thesis. My goal is to graduate in May.
2.
Mommy Guilt: I feel terrible that I my son goes to
daycare. It feels like he is being
raised by daycare providers rather than his parents. On a good day, I get to spend about 2-3 hours
of time with him and during that time I am usually trying to clean up the
kitchen after dinner and then when I do get to sit down and play with him I
spend time on my phone checking emails and etc.
This has got to stop! The dishes
can wait until after he goes to bed and my phone, ipad, and computer can stay
away. If I spend quality time with my
little boy every evening I think I am less apt to feel guilty.
3.
Lack of Quality Time with My Husband: Bottom line is that my husband and I don’t
get to spend time together where we are allowed to reconnect and actually have
a conversation. Our evenings are spent
chasing our little guy around the house and then he heads off to work. In the
past our excuse has been that it’s difficult to find a baby sitter that we feel
comfortable with or our schedules didn’t allow time for a special evening for
the two of us. To alleviate this stress my goal is to have one date night a
month with my husband. If we set a date
in advance we will be able to line up a baby sitter and also have a chance to
be able to look forward to our evening together.
4.
Housework: I always feel like my house isn't clean
enough so I stress about having everything perfect and tidy. This is clearly unrealistic! There is a certain level of disarray that is
a given when you have a toddler. My goal is to accept that my house won’t be
clean all the time and that the crumbs on the counter can wait.
I will keep everyone posted on the progress with these goals
and will revisit this post at the end of September to reevaluate.
Stay tuned for more tips and tricks from The Modern Day Juggler!